A Journey of Self-Discovery

Growing up, I had so many dreams and ambitions, but in my quest to meet perceived expectations coupled with my desire for security, I strayed from them.

I spent so many years trying to find my place in life, but never felt like I belonged. I knew from a young age that I was unique and I wrestled with the desire to not follow the crowd while also longing to fit in with those around me.

As a teenager and young adult, I would set aside my interests in the name of fitting in with those around me. I would take on whatever the behaviors and interests were of those around me, but it just never felt right.

When deciding on a career path I chose what I considered to be the safe and secure route while secretly longing to follow the dreams in my heart.

Deep inside of me was a rebel who wanted to forge her own path, but after years of trying to fit in with those around me along with my desire for security, I felt I had lost who I was.

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Since I began my walk with God six years ago, I have been on a journey of self-discovery, learning more of my true nature while growing in our relationship. I rediscovered some of my interests and found new hobbies. I’ve learned more about my strengths and weaknesses and how my past has shaped the person I am today. As a result, I’m gradually giving myself permission to be the unique person God created me to be.

God uniquely designed each of us for a purpose and our journey will not be the same. We all have distinct gifts and talents, different backgrounds and stories, and no two of us are alike. God loves variety and it is apparent when we look around at His creation. He also loves community and created His children to use their gifts to help each other.

I’m learning that it is ok to feel different. It’s ok to have different interests than those around me, including my own family. It’s ok to not be satisfied with where I am and have aspirations to do more. It’s ok to explore my interests and find what brings me joy.

This journey has been like a puzzle, with each new piece slowly coming together to paint a beautiful picture of God’s purpose for my life. Each new discovery has provided a little more clarity and I’m looking forward to what the Lord will reveal next.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Ephesians 2:10 NLT

Writing For An Audience Of One

Have you ever stepped out in obedience to God and it just didn’t turn out the way you expected?

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My writing journey has not gone at all how I hoped it would and although I have myself to blame for not writing consistently, a part of me is disappointed in God.

Writing to me was something I enjoyed doing but never considered until I began my journey with God. I learned that the dreams we carry in our hearts were placed there by God and for the first time I believed that it was possible. It felt like He was pushing me to step out and write. So I worked up the courage to create a blog and started writing.

But nothing happened.

Slowly all of the excitement and anticipation were replaced with doubt and discouragement. After not seeing the progress I was hoping to see, I began questioning whether I heard God right. My doubts coupled with a busy life meant my writing became less of a priority. But God has not allowed this dream to die and He keeps pushing me to write.

Over these last 6 years I’ve tried to fight discouragement by convincing myself that likes and follows don’t matter but they do because I’m human. Deep down I have a desire to see my blog grow for validation. I want to know that I belong here. I want to know that my words matter and that my efforts don’t go unnoticed.

But God’s definition of success is so much different than ours. We believe the bigger the platform the better, but what matters to God is the ONE.

The one who has been hurt by people around them and needs to know they are loved.

The one who is suffering and needs encouragement to make it through one more day.

The one who is struggling and needs to know that they have what it takes to move forward.

I believe God is using my disappointment to teach me a lesson in humility. This has nothing to do with me. I am the vessel through which the Lord communicates His message to his child.

That is why I write.

God is big. He is sovereign. He is the creator of the universe. But He is also so very personal and His greatest desire is to have an intimate relationship with each and every one of His children. He loves us. He loves you. He loves me. He sent His son to die in our place so that sin and death could no longer keep us apart.

This blog is not about me. I may be the one who writes, but these words belong to the Lord and they are a personal letter to His child who needs to read it. And I pray that throughout this journey I will not forget that truth.

“The Son of Man has come to give life to anyone who is lost. Think of it this way: If a man owns a hundred sheep and one lamb wanders away and is lost, won’t he leave the ninety-nine grazing on the hillside and go out and thoroughly search for the one lost lamb? And if he finds his lost lamb, he rejoices over it, more than over the ninety-nine who are safe. Now you should understand that it is never the desire of your heavenly Father that a single one of these humble believers should be lost.”

Matthew 18:11-14 TPT

Putting Politics in it’s Place

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Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that politics seems to have infiltrated all aspects of life?

It just seems like we can’t get away from it. Turning off the news isn’t enough. It’s on social media, TV shows, sports, even product advertisements and it seems like everything has become political.

I find myself asking how this happened and what changed?

Continue reading “Putting Politics in it’s Place”

I Can’t, But He Can

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Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”

Exodus 4:12 NLT

It has been over a year since my last blog post. I’d like to blame the busyness of life as the reason why I haven’t written, and there may be some truth to that, but I believe the real reason is fear.

Continue reading “I Can’t, But He Can”

The “Faith” Struggle is Real

How do you know you are headed in the right direction when you are surrounded by fog and your GPS is broken?

That is the best way that I can describe the current season that I am in. I’m feeling frustrated with the process because I can’t see whether the end is near or not. I can’t see what is going on around me and I’ve lost my sense of direction. I have moments when I feel confident that I am headed in the right direction and then almost immediately something changes and I lose my bearings.

Continue reading “The “Faith” Struggle is Real”

Stepping into the Unknown

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.
Philippians 2:13 NLT

I felt the Lord tell me to start a work bible study.

I had been praying for a long time for God to give me people in my life that I could learn and grow with in my Christian walk. I’d also been praying for family members and co-workers to have their own personal relationships with God and was getting the sense that there were conversations that God wanted me to have with the people around me. I was praying for a way to start those conversations and I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to start a bible study at work.

Continue reading “Stepping into the Unknown”

Taking Possession of the Promise

Making a Way in the Wilderness

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19 NIV

Since the beginning of 2019, this verse has been popping up everywhere I look. I’ve been seeing it in books I read and in podcasts I listen to. Twice in one day this verse came up and I knew God was trying to tell me something.

Continue reading “Taking Possession of the Promise”

When Changes Don’t Make Sense

God I do not understand what you are doing!

I can’t even count how many times I’ve said this or thought it in my heart.

So much has changed in the last year and although much of it has been new and exciting, some things don’t make sense at all.

Continue reading “When Changes Don’t Make Sense”

Coming Back to My Calling

I keep being led back to this place, to this calling to write.

Although not on purpose, I continue to lay it aside using the excuse that I am too busy and don’t have the time, but there is a nagging in my soul that keeps bringing me back to this point. Continue reading “Coming Back to My Calling”

One Piece at a Time

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:10 NLT

It’s amazing how God uses everyday life to speak to us…

My 4 year old daughter was working on a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse set of puzzles and was becoming frustrated with the process. It was a 16 piece puzzle and each piece was a cube, with every side containing a part of a different character’s picture. Before she could put the pieces together, she would first have to turn each cube around to figure out which side belongs to which picture.  Continue reading “One Piece at a Time”