I had officially hit my breaking point…
With a little more than 2 weeks left until my due date, I was really not sure how much more I could take. I was so uncomfortable and miserable and had a difficult time sleeping at night. My body was slowing down and my energy level was low but I felt busier.
I planned to continue to work up until close to my due date so I could use all of my time off to be with the baby. Unfortunately that meant that even though I was barely able to walk or get a full night of sleep, I still had to carry on with life as usual and I was feeling overwhelmed. I just could not see how I could keep up the usual pace for another 2 weeks.
The more I thought about it, the more overwhelmed I became, until I reached a point where I could not take it anymore. I prayed to God asking for help, hoping that maybe he would have me go into labor sooner and I would no longer have to be uncomfortable. The help that I received, however was not a change in my circumstances but a change in my perspective.
One Day at a Time
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~ Matthew 6:34
I just kept thinking 2 weeks. How am I going to do 2 more weeks? It felt like a lifetime to me when thinking about how I was feeling at that moment but God reminded me that I needed to stop looking to the future as a whole and rather focus on one day at a time. It is really difficult to overcome life’s mountains when you are standing at the bottom looking up. What I needed to do was look directly ahead of me and take one step at a time and know he was beside me.
The Problem with Comparison
Comparison is the death of joy ~ Mark Twain
The other problem I was having was comparing myself to others. All around me were women who went into labor at 37 and 38 weeks both in my personal life and patients that I would see at work.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I went all the way to 40 weeks and deep down I had a feeling that I would do the same with my son. I was still holding on to the possibility that at any moment I could go into labor but each day that passed, my disappointment grew. I needed to remember that God has an individual plan for me and comparing my life to that of others is questioning his plan.
Attitude of Gratitude
My natural tendency when I am in a difficult situation or experiencing an inconvenience is to focus on the problem. I find that when I am having a hard time with certain circumstances in my life that one of the ways to change my perspective is to start thanking God for my blessings. I began to write in my journal what it was that I was thankful for in the situation and my perspective began to change.
Just to give you an idea of what I mean, here is what I wrote:
Lord please help me to keep the right perspective. Help me to stay positive and to trust your timing. There are women who would give anything to be in my shoes. Women who can’t get pregnant or if they do, they miscarry or have a stillbirth.
I am so fortunate to have made it this far without any complications. My baby and I are both healthy and soon I will be able to hold him in my arms and experience that special love all over again.
I’ve been blessed in so many ways and I need to continue to remind myself of that. The last thing I ever want to do is be ungrateful when I have been given so much. My life is beautiful and I don’t want to focus on the discomforts and inconveniences when I have so much to be thankful for. I am so blessed. Thank you.
After writing these words of gratitude, I immediately began to feel better. Nothing in my circumstances had changed. I was still pregnant, uncomfortable, and exhausted but I saw things differently.
About a week later, after I had finally let go and trusted God’s timing, I went into labor. At 39 weeks, on January 16th, 2017 my son Nathaniel was born.
God is good!