It has been over a year since my last blog post. I’d like to blame the busyness of life as the reason why I haven’t written, and there may be some truth to that, but I believe the real reason is fear.
Fear that I’m not good enough.
Fear that nobody would read my words.
Fear of putting myself out there and being vulnerable with strangers.
Fear of having others confirm all that my inner critic has to say.
For the last few years, I’ve been feeling much like Moses when God was calling him to lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. I’ve come up with every excuse possible to convince God to choose someone else because I can’t possibly be called to write.
I don’t feel very confident as a writer because I don’t have the experience. There are others out there who are actually writing. The only writing I’ve done is school papers and filling up the pages of my journals.
And yet I can’t shake the feeling that God is calling me to write.
But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”Exodus 3:11 NIV
Much like Moses, I come up with excuse after excuse and ask questions like:
Who am I?
What is it that I bring to the table?
Why would others want to read what I have to say?
But Moses pleaded with the Lord , “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”Exodus 4:10 NLT
The questions Moses had for God regarding his assignment, although different in context, are the same questions I’ve been wrestling with regarding my own.
Although there is some truth to the reasons for my doubts, there is another truth that is far more important and God reminds us of that truth in both Exodus 3:12 and again in Exodus 4:12.
But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” God answered, “I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain.”Exodus 3:11-12 NLT
But Moses pleaded with the Lord , “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”Exodus 4:10-12 NLT
Like Moses, my attempts to understand and reason with God regarding the assignment He has for me puts the focus on the wrong person. Every time Moses questions his assignment or comes up with reasons why he is not cut out for the job, God redirects the focus back on Himself. God is reminding us in these passages that what He has called us to do has nothing to do with our qualifications, strengths or weaknesses. It’s about God and what he can do through us.
Now when I am faced with doubt and fear about my assignment I can use the example of Moses to remind myself that even though I can’t, God can. He will give me the words to speak or in my case, write and I know He will do the same for you in whatever He is calling you to do.