I was at the end of myself. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was trying my best to maintain my composure, but the anger and frustration had built up to a point where I could no longer contain it.
It was not a good day and I was not my best self. I was not a pleasant person to be around and I felt terrible for the people who had to deal with me.
Since my return to work from maternity leave I had been experiencing one bad day after another and this day was no exception.
In my prayers I found it difficult to find the words. All I could do was ask God for help. My pleas for change were going unanswered and instead I was facing challenge after challenge and what seemed like silence from God, leaving me feeling helpless and hopeless.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.Psalm 34:18 NLT
One day I was reading Matthew 4 which tells the story of Jesus being tempted by the enemy in the wilderness and Matthew 4:11 stood out to me, specifically in the Message translation.
The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs.Matthew 4:11 MSG
The words stopped me in my tracks. The Test with a capital T. I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that my test was over and I was overcome with emotion.
Over the days that followed I noticed that articles I read or sermons and podcasts that I listened to seemed to be tailored specifically to me and my situation. Slowly I was becoming more encouraged and I could feel myself making my way out of the pit that I was in.
Then I was once again reminded of Matthew 4:11 and it all clicked.
The challenges that I was facing were a spiritual attack, a testing from the enemy. God was reminding me that the test was over, the enemy was gone and in his place were angels to attend to my needs.
And this was not the first time.
God also reminded me that every time I’ve gone through periods of testing it was always followed by a period of encouragement. I was too distracted by my emotions in those moments to notice, but God has never left me down and defeated.
The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I am so thankful that we do not have to rely on our own strength when the attacks come. We can lean on God to provide us with everything we need to renew our strength.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV